The Influence of the City and the British Banking Industry on Bankers’ Bonuses

How does the City and the British banking industry influence decision-makers and, in particular, British governmental policy towards the issue of bankers’ bonuses?

This case study will discuss the ways in which the City influences British politics and decision-makers, with particular focus on the issue of bankers’ bonuses. Firstly, the immense power of the City and the central debate around bankers’ bonuses must be put into context. Following the outbreak of recession in 2007-8, British banks became public enemy number one when it came to light that banks had sold mortgages to clients that they couldn’t afford to pay – a process defined as ‘subprime mortgage lending’. Investment banks had been selling Collateralized Debt Obligations (CDOs) – a derivative against mortgage payments – to private investors who would, in theory, receive a return on their investment providing that the client didn’t default on their mortgage payment.[1] When clients inevitably defaulted on their mortgage payments, banks and private investors were starved of capital, resulting in the shortage of credit and lower levels of bank lending – the ‘credit crunch’. Now that the background to the financial crisis has been explained, it’s easier to see why the issue of bankers’ bonuses has become such a controversial topic in British politics. For many British citizens, there was a great sense of injustice that the profiteering bankers were being rewarded for, what they perceived as being, a remarkable failure.[2] If we then throw into the equation the 84.4 per cent and 43 per cent stake that the British taxpayer holds in the Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB respectively, the question of bankers’ bonuses becomes even more divisive.[3] In order to articulate the huge power and influence of the City on British politics and the issue of bankers’ bonuses, this case study will begin by providing an analysis of the economic importance of the City to the UK’s economy. Secondly, this case study will discuss the methods that banks adopt to influence British politics and to represent themselves against a tax on bankers’ bonuses, such as lobbying via the British Bankers’ Association. Following this, this case study will discuss how banks may be able to influence policy-making through their connections and ties to politicians and, in particular, the Conservative Party. Lastly, this essay will provide a counter-argument against the power of the City over bankers’ bonuses by suggesting that it is constrained by the British government, public opinion and anti-capitalism movements, such as the Occupy London campaign. However, the main argument throughout this essay will centre on the belief that the City and British banks are immensely powerful in influencing British politics and the decisions that politicians make towards bankers’ bonuses.

Firstly, this case study would like to discuss the importance of the City to the UK economy and how their strong position enables them to exert influence over the bankers’ bonuses issue. The immense power of the City of London is demonstrated by its ranking as the most competitive financial centre in the world by the Global Financial Centres Index in 2011, overcoming competition from New York and Hong Kong.[4]  Britain’s banking industry has been described by London Mayor Boris Johnson as the “locomotive” of the UK economy, responsible for driving growth and prosperity in the private sector, whilst the City is also responsible for approximately 11 per cent of the Inland Revenue’s tax income.[5] Besides the significant contribution that the City makes towards tax returns, the UK financial services industry employs 1.1million people and accounts for 10 per cent of its GDP, whilst driving conomic growth by lending money to Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs) and big businesses.[6] The BBC’s Business Editor, Robert Peston, argues that the power of Britain’s banking industry is exemplified in David Cameron’s veto of the new EU Treaty on 9^th November 2011 because of fears that British banks would be hit hard by a European transaction tax on share dealings.[7][8] Adding to these concerns, City banks, such as HSBC, threatened to move their headquarters to Singapore because they believed that they would be less affected by the Eurozone debt crisis, a potential European transaction tax on share dealings and the implementation of Basel III.[9] Basel III is a particularly controversial topic in the City because it aims to regulate the banking industry by ensuring that there is an acceptable ratio of cash to debt on the Banks’ accounts, which, in theory, would ensure that banks could sustain massive losses, mitigating the need for government bailouts.[10][11]David Cameron’s zealous defence of the City by vetoing the recent EU Treaty is indicative of the economic importance of the UK’s banking industry and, indeed, the priority of the Conservative Party to protect the status quo and the City’s position as the most competitive financial centre in the world. 

The second section of  this essay will discuss the different ways that banks  can influence government policy on the issue of bankers’ bonuses and whether or not they have been successful in doing so. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, launched a “bonus war on bankers” in 2009, which he believed would free up “about £10 billion for loans”.[12] Interestingly, however, Osborne’s primary aim was to limit retail banking bonuses rather than investment banking bonuses, which the Labour Party described as an attempt by Osborne to protect “his friends in the City” and their “casino banking” culture.[13] Even former Tory MP and current chief-executive of the British Bankers’ Association, Angela Knight, argued that “the big bonus culture is not in retail banking but in investment banks”, whilst an anonymous investment banker stated that Osborne’s war on bankers’ bonuses was an attempt to please “the man on the street” who wanted to “bash bankers”.[14][15] Yet, in 2011, little progress has been made by Osborne to tackle big City bonuses, with The Guardian, a bastion of the left-wing press, labelling Osborne’s rhetoric of curbing City bonuses as nothing but “hot air”.[16]Peston would agree with The Guardian’s viewpoint, stating that currently “there is no constraint on pay for the smart banker” who could receive their bonus in the form of share options, rather than a tax-deducted bonus in compliance with the UK’s PAYE stipulations.[17] Essentially, the ongoing war of attrition between the tri-force of British public opinion, the City and the British government will continue on the issue of bankers’ bonuses, but what remains clear is that very little headway has been made by the Tories to curb the payment of big City bonuses. 

Having put into context the question of bankers’ bonuses in relation to British politics, this case study will discuss the ways in which individual banking firms represent and defend themselves against the capping of bankers’ bonuses. The most famous defence of bankers’ bonuses comes from the current chief-executive of Barclays Plc, Bod Diamond, at the Treasury Select Committee in January 2011. Diamond – coined as the “unacceptable face of banking” – fought back against MPs, such as current Shadow Secretary for Business Chuka Umunna, who called for Diamond to forgo his 2010 bonus, arguing that the British public failed to recognise the difference between a private bank and part-nationalised bank.[18] Diamond does have a valid point by arguing that the issue of bankers’ bonuses in part-nationalised banks, such as RBS, should be treated separately to Barclays because there isn’t a question of rewarding bankers with taxpayers’ money. The crux of Diamond’s argument is that the British government and British public has little right to intervene in the payment of bonuses in a shareholder owned enterprise, such is the case with Barclays Plc’s listing on the London Stock Exchange, which continued to make healthy profits against the tide of economic recession. Diamond also accepted that whilst the City should be “responsible” on bonuses, “the ‘period of remorse and apology’ for banks needs to be over and the City should be allowed to move on”.[19] In addition to this, Bob Diamond argued that Barclays adopted less risky strategies by comparison to the proliferation of sub-prime mortgages and CDOs in RBS and other failed institutions, such as Lehman Brothers, and should not be tarnished by the reputations of rival banking firms.[20] This is further reiterated when Diamond stated that he “really resented the fact that you [the MPs] refer to this [investment banking] as blackjack or casino banking or rogue trading”, deeming it to be “wrong” and “unfair”.[21] Diamond’s resolute defence of Barclay’s involvement in investment banking and payment of large bonuses reveals the enormous power of the City in British politics and, in particular, the City’s ability to influence decision-makers on the issue of bankers’ bonuses. This notion is further emphasised when Diamond is questioned by John Turso, a Liberal MP, on whether Britain should “accept your [the investment banking industry’s] bonus culture or not have any banks” and Diamond flippantly replied “that’s the nub of it”.[22]These quotations reveal the unique power of the City and the banking industry’s influence over the question of bankers’ bonuses as Diamond almost presents the MPs with an audacious ultimatum that’s not too dissimilar to ‘take it or leave it’.

However, Diamond is not alone in his staunch defence of the City and its bonus culture. In 2011, Deutsche Bank also became embroiled in a lengthy legal battle with HMRC, who “ruled against a long-standing attempt by Deutsche to avoid paying payroll taxes on bonuses”.[23]  Quinn also notes that a remarkably similar legal battle on bankers’ bonuses and tax avoidance is taking place between Swiss banking giant UBS and the Inland Revenue.[24] It’s also interesting that Deloitte, the world’s largest professional services firm and a stalwart of the City’s accounting industry, was responsible for designing Deutsche Bank’s tax avoidance scheme.[25] Deutsche Bank and UBS’s defence of their tax avoidance and bonus payment schemes is indicative of the strength of individual City firms and the methods that they employ to lobby against attempts by the government to curb gratuitously sized bankers’ bonuses.

Alternatively, the City has gained broader representation from the British Bankers’ Association (BBA) and the City of London Corporation on the issue of bankers’ bonuses. The BBA is “the leading trade association for the UK banking and financial services sector”, which represents over 200 banks and aims to defend the banking industry by influencing decision-makers into providing an “effective and competitive market place” where business can prosper.[26] On the 31^st of January 2011, the BBA defended the payment of bonuses to employees in the City by stating that the bonus pot for 2011 stood at £7 billion, which was down from £11.6 billion in 2007, and that bonuses will have declined by far more as a result of the imposition of the 50 per cent tax rate on higher income groups.[27] As well as this, the BBA is keen to point out that the British banking  industry’s payment of bonuses is in full compliance with regulatory stipulations enforced by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) and the European Banking Authority (EBA).[28]On the 2^nd of December 2011, the chief-executive of the BBA, Angela Knight, presented a further defence of the payment of bankers’ bonuses. Knight argued that the City had been subject to two years of regulation on bonuses, a levy on bank-balance sheets and a “continuing chorus of concern” and “unfocused anger” from the British public, despite the reduction in the size of bankers’ bonuses.[29] Similarly to Diamond’s testimony in defence of bankers’ bonuses, the BBA suggests that British policy-makers should ensure that the UK “continues to attract this valuable [banking]  industry”, which suggests that the British government and British public should accept the bonus culture otherwise the banking industry could move elsewhere. However, Knight does recognise that the issue of bankers’ bonuses is “an emotive and divisive” issue, but she, and indeed the BBA, believes that the City is the target of unjust and unnecessary retribution.[30] It is therefore clear that the BBA and the City of London Corporation plays an incredibly important role in defending the vested interests of the City and British banks on the issue of bankers’ bonuses.

This case study now wishes to discuss how the City may be able to influence decision-makers through political ties and connections, with particular reference to the bankers’ bonuses question. The most obvious link between the City and the decision-makers in the Conservative Party is the fact that the City was responsible for over 50 per cent of the Tories’ 2010 General Election campaign.[31] Other inextricable links between the Conservatives and the City include former Tory MP Angela Knight’s position as the chief-executive of the BBA as well as Boris Johnson’s defence of bankers’ bonuses in fear that, without large bonuses, Britain’s banking industry would relocate to a rival financial centre.[32] Josie Ensor of The Daily Telegraph writes that in 2011 City donations accounted for “51.4 per cent of the £12.2million of funds” received by the Central Office of the Conservative Party, whilst hedge funds, financiers and private equity firms contributed £3.3m and 50 City donors paid over £50,000.[33] In addition to this, James Maxwell of the New Statesman notes that donations over £3m entitle the donor to a one-to-one meeting with senior Tory MPs, including David Cameron.[34]This case study would be guilty of libel if it was to accuse donors of influencing Tory decision-makers on the question of bankers’ bonuses through their one-to-one meetings and generous donations without any evidence, but stranger things have happened. In fact, the ‘Old Goat’ David Lloyd George was found guilty of selling knighthoods and peerages in the 1920s, whilst the recent Labour Prime Minister, Tony Blair, was questioned about the Cash for Peerages Scandal in 2006-7. Money and political connections between the City and the Conservatives has probably bought influence over the issue of bankers’ bonuses, but it is impossible for this essay to prove this beyond all reasonable doubt and without a subsequent court case. It’s perhaps a little wiser for this essay to suggest that the City’s bankrolling of the Conservatives, at the very least, makes them think twice about the effect that their decisions might have on the City’s vested interests, as exemplified by Cameron’s defence of the City by recently vetoing the EU Treaty.

Lastly, this case study wishes to discuss the ways in which the City and bankers’ bonuses are constrained by the British government, public opinion and anti-capitalism movements. As discussed earlier, George Osborne’s “war” on bankers’ bonuses in 2009 and the stricter regulation of bankers’ bonuses payments by the FSA is indicative of the British government adopting a tougher approach on the issue.[35] However, Osborne’s tough approach to bankers’ bonuses concentrated on retail banking rather than investment banking and his calls for the City to curb its big bonus culture have been tempered as of late and have been described, rather fittingly, as “hot air” by The Guardian.[36]However, in defence of the Tories, Cameron and Osborne did argue against RBS bankers taking home large bonuses when it was the British tax payer that had saved them from the very same inglorious demise that Lehman Brothers suffered in late 2008.[37]Despite this, the City’s power is demonstrated through the clear lack of constraint on bonus “pay for the smart banker” and the fact that the British government hasn’t adopted the adversarial stance that the leader of the opposition, Ed Miliband, has promised by implementing heavy taxation on “predatory” business and tackling the issue of bankers’ bonuses with an extension to the bankers’ bonus tax.[38][39][40]

In addition, the City’s influence over decision-makers and the issue of bankers’ bonuses is tempered by British public opinion and anti-capitalism movements. Public anger over the question of bankers’ bonuses is demonstrated by a YouGov poll in 2010 which showed that “76 per cent of people would support a cap on bonuses, that 59 per cent support windfall taxes on bankers’ bonuses, and that 60 per cent want the tax to be extended to those working in hedge funds and ­private equity houses”.[41] Neither of the above proposals supported by the British public have been implemented by the Tories and the Labour Party suggests that the Conservatives have ‘thrown in the towel’ on the bankers’ bonus debate. However, it is important to also point out that the proliferation of anti-banking opinions amongst the British public has been fuelled by reports in the media because if the average person on the street was quizzed on the role of an investment banker and how they caused the credit crunch, it probably isn’t too presumptuous to suggest that they wouldn’t be able to tell you. Robert Peston argues that the handing out of “massive remuneration rewards, while most of the UK is experiencing the worst squeeze on living standards since the 1930s” is the principle reason behind public contempt for the City and their generous bonus packages.[42] This ‘blame the bankers’ culture and hopping onto the proverbial bandwagon has culminated in the popularity of the ‘we are the 99 per cent’ and the Occupy London anti-capitalism and anti-bankers campaigns. Due to the high levels of pressure put on high-street banks by British public opinion, British high-street banks have made an effort to make their services more customer friendly, which is exemplified in RBS’s championing of their commitment to ‘helpful banking’ and other customer-focused rhetoric. Another example of British public opinion influencing the City and bankers’ bonuses is when Stephen Hester, the current RBS chief-executive, who argued that bankers’ bonuses are not the “font of all evils”, and Eric Daniels, the former chief-executive of Lloyds TSB, bowed down to public pressure and forwent their bonuses in 2009.[43] However, both Hester and Daniels accepted their bonuses in 2010, which suggests that public opinion and anti-capitalism campaigns have done little to constrain and prevent the City from accepting healthy bonus packages.[44]

To conclude, this case study argued that the City is immensely powerful in influencing decision-makers on the issue of bankers’ bonuses. To argue this point, this essay discussed how the economic importance of the City to the UK economy has granted the British banking industry a position of privilege in the UK’s economy. Secondly, this essay discussed the ways in which individual firms represent themselves, with particular focus on Bob Diamond’s testimony to the Treasury Select Committee in 2011 in defence of bankers’ bonuses and the investment activities of Barclays Plc. Following this, this case study discussed the ways in which the City can influence the question of bankers’ bonuses through broader representation via the BBA and the City of London Corporation, as well as the ways in which political connections and donations between the City and the Conservatives may have influenced decision-makers on the issue of bankers’ bonuses. Lastly, this essay argued that British public opinion has, in part, constrained the power of the City and the size of bankers’ bonuses through opinion polls and anti-capitalism movements, such as Occupy London. However, the central argument that this essay wishes to make is that the City is incredibly powerful in influencing decision-makers on the issue of bankers’ bonuses, which is demonstrated by the refusal of the Conservative Party to introduce a windfall tax on bankers’ bonuses and, instead, persist with ineffective regulation.

References

[1] Anonymous, ‘Collaterized Debt Obligations’, Investopedia (2011). Available: http://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/cdo.asp (9/12/2011)

[2] Simon English and Joe Murphy, ‘City Fury at George Osborne’s Bonus War on Bankers’, London Evening Standard (October 2009). Available: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23760528-george-osborne-to-urge-curbs-on-bankers-bonuses.do (9/12/2011)

[3] Oliver Farrimond, ‘RBS nears Nationalisation as State Increases Stake to 84%”, Deadline News (November 2009). Available: http://www.deadlinenews.co.uk/2009/11/01/11072-2076/ (9/12/2011)

[4] Z/Yen Group, ‘The Global Financial Centres Index 10’, City of London Corporation (September 2011). Available: http://zyen.com/PDF/GFCI%2010.pdf  (9/12/2011)

[5] Ben Glaze, ‘Boris Johnson wants to be re-elected as London Mayor’, The Independent (October 2011). Available:  http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wants-to-be-reelected-as-london-mayor-2365327.html (9/12/2011)

[6] Anonymous, ‘Pay and Bonuses in the Financial Sector’, British Bankers’ Association (January 2011). Available: http://www.bba.org.uk/media/article/pay-and-bonuses-in-the-financial-sector/press-pack/ (9/12/2011)

[7] Robert Peston, ‘Big Business Deeply Troubled by Cameron’s Veto, BBC News (December 2011). Available: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16133286 (9/12/2011)

[8] Joe Lynam, ‘Is the City Worse Off after David Cameron’s EU Veto?’, BBC News (December 2011). Available: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/16131346 (9/12/2011)

[9] Mof Gimmers, ‘HSBC Threaten to Leave UK’, Bitter Wallet (November 2011). Available: http://www.bitterwallet.com/hsbc-threaten-to-leave-uk/51142 (9/12/2011)

[10] Gimmers, ‘HSBC Threaten to Leave UK’.

[11] Jill Treanor, ‘Banks Threaten to Leave London over Measures to Prevent Another Bailout’, The Guardian (April 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/apr/10/banks-threaten-leave-london-prevent-bailout (9/12/2011)

[12] English and Murphy, ‘City Fury at George Osborne’s Bonus War on Bankers’.

[13] English and Murphy, ‘City Fury at George Osborne’s Bonus War on Bankers’.

[14]English and Murphy, ‘City Fury at George Osborne’s Bonus War on Bankers’.

[15] Dai Davies, ‘Outlaw Unacceptable Bonuses for Bailed-out Bankers, Demands George Osborne’, The Daily Mail (August 2009). Available: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1206699/Osborne-calls-end-unacceptable-bonus-culture.html (9/12/2011)

[16] Larry Elliott and Jill Treanor, ‘How George Osborne’s Tough Words on Bonuses Proved to be So Much Hot Air’, The Guardian (January 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/jan/10/george-osborne-bonuses-fat-cats (9/12/2011)

[17] Robert Peston, ‘Will Bank Bonuses be Squished?’, BBC News (December 2011). Available: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16066253 (9/12/2011)

[18] Louise Armitstead and Harry Wilson, ‘Bob Diamond Bites Back at Treasury Select Committee’, The Telegraph (January 2011). Available: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8253549/Bob-Diamond-bites-back-at-Treasury-Select-Committee.html (9/12/2011)

[19] Jim Pickard, ‘Bob Diamond at Treasury Select Committee’, The Financial Times (January 2011). Available: http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/2011/01/bob-diamond-at-treasury-select-committee/#axzz1gHnm0Dyh (9/12/2011)

[20] Armitstead and Wilson, ‘Bob Diamond Bites Back at Treasury Select Committee’.

[21] Armitstead and Wilson, ‘Bob Diamond Bites Back at Treasury Select Committee’.

[22] Armitstead and Wilson, ‘Bob Diamond Bites Back at Treasury Select Committee’.

[23] James Quinn, ‘Deutsche Bank Fights Tax Ruling on £92m Bonus Pool’, The Telegraph (April 2011). Available: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8423769/Deutsche-Bank-fights-tax-ruling-on-92m-bonus-pool.html (9/12/2011)

[24] Quinn, ‘Deutsche Bank Fights Tax Ruling on £92m Bonus Pool’.

[25] Quinn, ‘Deutsche Bank Fights Tax Ruling on £92m Bonus Pool’.

[26] Anonymous, ‘About Us’, British Bankers’ Association (2011). Available: http://www.bba.org.uk/about-us (9/12/2011)

[27] Anonymous, ‘Pay and Bonuses in the Financial Sector’.

[28] Anonymous, ‘Pay and Bonuses in the Financial Sector’.

[29] Angela Knight, ‘I Don’t Think We Can Be Clearer Than That’, British Bankers’ Association (December 2011). Available: http://www.bba.org.uk/blog/article/i-dont-think-we-can-be-clearer-than-that (9/12/2011)

[30] Knight, ‘I Don’t Think We Can Be Clearer Than That’.

[31] Jill Treanor and Nicolas Watt, ‘Revealed: 50% of Tory Funds Come From the City’, The Guardian (February 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/feb/08/tory-funds-half-city-banks-financial-sector (9/12/2011)

[32]John Hyde, ‘Boris Johnson: Bankers have “Moral Duty” to Donate Bonuses’, The East London Advertiser (November 2010). Available: http://www.eastlondonadvertiser.co.uk/news/boris_johnson_bankers_have_moral_duty_to_donate_bonuses_1_731440 (9/12/2011)

[33] Josie Ensor, ‘How the City Bankrolls the Conservatives’, The Telegraph (October 2011). Available: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/8800457/How-the-City-bankrolls-the-Conservatives.html (9/12/2011)

[34] James Maxwell, ‘New Report Highlights the Tories’ Close Links to the City’, The New Statesman (October 2011). Available: http://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/the-staggers/2011/09/tax-companies-party-tories (9/12/2011)

[35] English and Murphy, ‘City Fury at George Osborne’s Bonus War on Bankers’.

[36] Elliott and Treanor, ‘How George Osborne’s Tough Words on Bonuses Proved to be So Much Hot Air’.

[37] Andrew Woodcock, ‘David Cameron could block £500m RBS Bonus’, The Independent (November 2011). Available: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/david-cameron-could-block-500m-rbs-bonus-6260795.html (9/12/2011)

[38] Peston, ‘Will Bank Bonuses be Squished?’.

[39] Anonymous, ‘Miliband Wants More Tax on “Predatory” Companies’, Accountancy Age (September 2011). Available: http://www.accountancyage.com/aa/news/2112639/miliband-tax-predator-companies (9/12/2011)

[40] Anonymous, ‘Ed Miliband Urges Extension of Bank Bonus Tax’, The Guardian (January 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/jan/10/ed-miliband-urges-extension-bank-bonus-tax (9/12/2011)

[41] Anushka Asthana, ‘New Poll Reveals Depth of Outrage at Bankers’ Bonuses’, The Guardian (February 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/feb/21/bank-bonuses-outrage-opinion-poll (9/12/2011)

[42]Peston, ‘Will Bank Bonuses be Squished?’.

[43] James Quinn and Harry Wilson, ‘RBS Chief Stephen Hester Awarded a £2.5m Bonus’, The Telegraph (January 2011). Available: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8248374/RBS-chief-Stephen-Hester-awarded-a-2.5m-bonus.html (9/12/2011)

[44] Jill Treanor, ‘RBS and Lloyds Chief Executive Accept £3.49m in Bonuses’, The Guardian (February 2011). Available: http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2011/feb/09/rbs-stephen-hester-lloyds-eric-daniels-bonus (9/12/2011)

Manchester City – Pre-season Review

Author extraordinaire and Bluemoon Podcast producer, David Mooney, approached me with the opportunity to present my views on City’s pre-season and I decided I’d rise to the challenge. I haven’t blogged on any subject for over a year now, partly through laziness, partly through a lack of imagination, but chiefly due to the fact that I’m an uninteresting son of a gun. City’s pre-season however has presented me with a handful of talking points that I’d like to discuss.

In terms of finances, City have pretty much laughed in the face of the incoming Financial Fair Play regulations by brokering a deal with Etihad Airways for a reported – and therefore, we can presume a wildly inaccurate – £400m. Beneath Garry Cook’s footballing ineptitude and baffling stupidity, there lies a shrewd and accomplished businessman. You don’t get put in charge of Michael Jordan’s franchise at Nike or become the Chief-Executive of the world’s richest club if you don’t know what you’re doing.

For me, City’s changing financial fortune marks a turning point in City’s future. With the sales of Jo and Boateng, and the likely sales of Tevez, Adebayor, Bellamy, Bridge and Santa Cruz, City may emerge from this transfer window with a tidy profit. Admittedly, all of the aforementioned players will probably trade for significantly less than they were bought for, but the fact that City’s wage bill and squad will contract in size can only be seen as a positive. I, perhaps with a little bias, have every faith that with Khaldoon’s statesmanlike running of the club and Cook’s marketing brain and never-ending list of corporate contacts will amount in City’s self-sufficiency within the next five years, or sooner.

The main positive to take from this pre-season, at least for me, wasn’t the football, but rather the corporate contracts signed with Etihad Airways and media giants EA Sports, as well as the money from Champions League TV rights. Sheikh Mansour is a self-confessed long-term investor, and I for one don’t believe that he’ll make a loss on City, but rather it’ll be an investment that’ll, for want of a better phrase, pay dividends. In Sheikh Mansour, we trust.

On the footballing side of things, I’m wracked with jealousy as my friends have received their Season Cards while I still have to scour the internet for poor quality, virus-infested streams on match days. Season Card holders are in an enviable position because City’s squad on paper, as demonstrated by this successful pre-season, looks good enough to win the Premier League.

Arsenal could lose Fabregas and Nasri (hopefully to City), and are unlikely to improve so long as they don’t replace them and fail to address their long-standing need for a centre-back of Vermaelen’s ilk. Chelsea’s pensioners are being managed by a toddler and have an ageing Lampard and Drogba, a misfiring Torres and a chasm in the midfield where Modric could’ve fitted in quite snugly. United are always going to be there or thereabouts come the end of the season and even with their relatively weak teams of past they have finished at the top. However, I genuinely believe that City, with the experience of winning the FA Cup last year and the arrival of Sergio Aguero and hopefully Nasri, could go all the way.

City’s 5 consecutive pre-season victories are indicative of a team that’s fit and ready for the upcoming season, as they overcame Club America, Vancouver Whitecaps, LA Galaxy, Irish XI and Inter Milan. It’s naive to read too much into pre-season friendlies, but there hasn’t been, as Kompany pointed out prior to hoisting the Dublin Super Cup aloft, a poor performance by City as of yet. Dzeko’s looking sharp, Clichy’s settled in well, Wright-Phillips has taken pre-season by storm and Savic has looked right at home in the heart of defence. Joe Hart’s excellently taken penalty kick vs LA Galaxy, followed by a celebration akin to Street Fighter’s Ryu, and Balotelli’s back heel have been two of the more humorous highlights that have emerged from this year’s pre-season. But, I’d like to give David Silva a special mention. Silva has been at the club for a year now and is still yet to make a bad touch – long may this continue.

The Charity Shield match with United will be a great way to kick-off the competitive season, with the first Bluemoon Podcast of the 2011-12 being recorded soon after, and I personally can’t wait.

Bring it on.

Procrastination

I got tired of thinking about starting to think about revising, so I thought I’d do something a little more unproductive. Which is why I’ve decided to grace you with my presence once again. I couldn’t really think of anything in particular to talk to you about though. That story is old and repetitive, I know, but it goes on.
 
So I thought I’d do what I do best – moaning. A lot of people moan about my moaning, which is probably why I moan in the first place. Nonetheless, I do moan about a variety of things, be it the quantity and/or size of the potatoes I get with a meal, being cold and ill or the price of something being a little too high. I’m not quite sure why I do it. Maybe I’m just a nobhead.
 
Firstly, my first moan is about my confusion regarding door etiquette. How far away does someone have to be away from the door for me to hold it open for them? As a general, but flexible, rule of thumb, I’d probably guess a range of 15-20 yards away is acceptable, but anything further than that is too long to wait. Sometimes I feel extra considerate and decide to hold it for people even further away, mainly as a source of revenge for the times I’ve had to jog towards them to not keep them waiting. But, then you run the risk of looking like you’re being excessively kind if you hold the door for someone outside the designated social door holding parameters. It’s a lose lose situation. Yet, society frowns on you for being an ignorant bastard if you don’t hold the door open for them. There’s always that one person that never says “thanks” though. Some people are just rude, I guess.
 
Another thing that niggles me is when someone walks at exactly the same pace as you in the street. If I’m in a rush somewhere, I find that 9 times out of 10 there’s always someone who walks alongside me at exactly the same speed. What do you do? I usually pick up the pace. But they’ve already done the same. One of us is going to have to back down, which is almost nearly always me. I tend to simmer back into a leisurely stroll, allowing them to march on while I’m late for wherever I’m heading. This is probably one of the main reasons that I turn up late to everything.
 
Now that the delineated moaning section of the blog has been covered, I feel that I should update you with my life. On Sunday I completed the Great Manchester Run. I couldn’t quite believe how many spectators there were all over the course, there are some nice people in the world after all. Anyway, I ran the 10k in 50 minutes, which I wasn’t particularly happy with at first as I wanted to do it in 45 minutes or so. As well as this, at about half way – just past Old Trafford – there was a woman running with someone in a wheelchair. I was a little demotivated by this considering her average pace was almost as quick as mine. However, I guess I’m pretty happy with my time when taking into account that I had to run it in pumps (my running shoes gave me blisters), I hardly trained and because I didn’t stop running.
 
I’ve been pondering for 5 minutes or so whether I want to actually discuss the General Election outcome, or whether it might regurgitate any harrowingly bad memories I have of it. For the last week or so I’ve essentially blocked it out of my mind. What was Nick Clegg thinking though? What an idiot. I don’t think anyone would have voted Lib Dem if they knew their vote would bring about a Tory victory. It’s safe to say the Liberals will significantly decline in popularity in the next election.
 
I seem to have a thing for backing an underdog, though. Every single thing I support in my life is never successful. For example, Man City missed out on 4th place, they lost to Man United in the last minute 3 times this season, Labour lost the election, the horses I backed in the Grand National lost and even the people I support in The Apprentice and X Factor (since Shayne Ward) never win. I think I’m just the perennial loser. It’ll all be worth it when I win the lottery one day.
 
For the first time in my life I think I’m experiencing a tepid amount of excitement in anticipation of my holiday. I’ve been learning the ukulele, as well as purchasing a harmonica in preparation for it. It’s probably best that I start to revise for my exams now. The era of procrastination must make way for a bed that’s laden with A4 revision notes, yet to be compiled. The juice will probably be worth the squeeze in the end, I might even get a degree out of this if I’m lucky…
 

(I Can’t Get No) Motivation

It’s getting increasingly harder to continue thinking of things to write about in this blog. I have an incredible ability to become distracted by the most insignificant of things, and then I never end up doing what I originally set out to do. The last month or so has been magnificent for me. All that I’ve done, really, is just eat, sleep and generally waste my life away. I genuinely think that this is when I’m at my happiest, on a road to nowhere and simply enjoying the ride.

First of all, I successfully gave up McDonald’s for Lent, which is something that I feel quite proud of myself for. However, I fear that I’ve replaced one temptation with a more pernicious other. A temptation known as chocolate. It all started out quite innocently, with a Cadbury’s Creme Egg here, a Kit Kat there. This was then followed by 5 more Cadbury Creme Eggs within the next 30 minutes or so. I shit you not – my sister can vouch for this. But then things worsened, it had all spiralled out of control and I had become addicted to chocolate. Yesterday, for example, I found myself nipping out for what would have been a single, but innocuously innocent, Toffee Crisp. Yet, I was walking home clutching a large bag of large Dairy Milk Buttons and two large packs of Mini Eggs. Note the repetition of “large”. Needless to say, both of them were soon devoured in a haze of guilt and maudlin disappointment.

In my last blog I touched upon my training for my 10k charity run. Regrettably however, I haven’t trained since then. There is probably a correlation emerging between my enjoyable month off, consisting of laziness, and my lack of training. I assure you that I am wracked with guilt over this. However, I am convinced that I have the fitness to do the run in a respectable time but I keep getting injuries on the arch of my foot. It’s possibly because I’m not used to running on hard surfaces, but, still, I lack the enthusiasm to go out and run again given the discomfort that it caused me. Another factor that prevents me going out and running is the inability of eBay sellers to produce a cheap set of headphones that don’t break. It seems to have become habit now for me to be spending £2 on new headphones every month or so because the plastic cover that goes over the speaker insists on falling off. Surely it would be wise to use a glue that actually works? Or, perhaps, more sensibly, it’d be wiser still for me to buy better quality headphones. I digress. My point is, however, that I find it impossible to go out running without some sort of music or distraction to keep me going.

Well, I’m back at University now, and I have so far made it to one seminar. I’d already made previous plans to not go to the ones today. I figured that having 4 hours of lectures in one day is just too daunting that it’d be sensible to not turn up to any of them. The recurring theme here is my lack of motivation to do anything.

Anyway, I also figured that today is just too action packed. I have a football match in the evening, and it was inconceivable for me to go to my lectures and then play football afterwards. After all, I have to mentally prepare myself for the bus journeys across Manchester. God I hate them. Getting two buses is always soul-destroying and they feel like they last forever. I always find myself sat there, clutching my bag to fend away any possible thieves, while reading the Metro and listening to some pleasant songs with my, typically, broken headphones. One chap thought he could read over my shoulder and that I wouldn’t notice. I did. So I had a little fun and turned the Metro to the Lonely Hearts page. The Men seeking Men section always provides a few laughs. I stress that’s not because of their sexuality, but because of the descriptions that they usually provide. The Lonely Hearts pages are so depressing, though. I almost always want to meet up with everybody on them and give them a big hug. I sincerely hope it’s not because I relate with them…

Another time, I was sat on the bus listening to music and I caught some fairly middle-aged man glancing at my iPod, trying to see what I was listening to. I know, we’re all guilty of doing it. But again, I caught him out. I took him on a right rollercoaster of musical brilliance as I sampled a playlist of The Smiths, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. Music pomposity is a terrific thing. But what really grinds my gears is when you know exactly which point in the journey you have to stand up to get ready to get off at the next bus stop, but you then have to accommodate for unwanted circumstances e.g. the traffic lights staying on green. Through experience, I suggest that 10 seconds prior to standing up you should check that the idiot sat next to you isn’t sat on your coat, thus trapping you to your seat. I had this happen to me, and I contemplated staying on the bus all the way to Ashton and getting the bus back, just in fear of engaging in conversation with the person next to me. I, luckily, overcame this situation through a series of grunts and quick movements that made them soon realise the error of their ways.

When the common cold was named the common cold, did anyone state how common this cold was going to be? I seem to – and this is no word of a lie – have a cold every other week. I must have the immune system of an AIDS victim, or something. It’s ridiculous.

It’s been quite painful to see an increase in people talking about politics on Facebook lately. Nick Clegg this, Cameron that. It’s all become quite annoying to be honest. Still, I have no desire to discuss politics in anywhere near the depth that I did in my last blog, but my motto still rings true today – VOTE LABOUR!

On Sunday, myself and a few friends from college booked a holiday to the chav capital of Malia, which should be exciting. So every cloud does have a silver lining, after all. I’ve purchased a cheap little pink ukulele which should keep me from getting bored on holiday, if not then I’m sure it will provide a little bit of a humour value to the trip. Let’s just hope that I don’t break my wrist before I go, this time…

On Life, Politics and People…

Clearly, my intention to make this blog a regular occurrence hasn’t quite come to fruition. However, this isn’t completely my fault. I’ve been tied down with a lot of University work as of late, and I haven’t quite managed to find the time, nor the motivation, to update my blog.

Nevertheless, I am, albeit intoxicatingly influenced, back to cast an incoherent and obscure light onto things. The first thing that I wish to discuss is the rumours surfacing that The Libertines are set to reform at the Reading and Leeds Festivals this year. Woooo. That might seem somewhat sardonic or snarky in tone but, I assure you, it is not. Hopefully Carl and Pete will put on a good show, rather than embarrassing themselves in front of the world media.

It would be churlish of me to not update you with how my battle with McDonald’s is going. Having gone from a diet consisting of 2 McDonald’s a day, to 0 since the start of Lent, I’m quite proud of myself. I only have around 10 days to go now until I can eat McDonald’s again *swoons*. It’s going to be a tough final innings. This is probably my best achievement since…well it’s probably the only thing of significance that I’ve ever achieved in my life. At least, it’s the only one that springs to mind.

This dietary discussion leads me onto my next subject – I’m going to be running the Great Manchester Run on May 16th for RNID, a charity for the deaf and hard of hearing. Please contact me if you wish to sponsor me. I’m running for this particular charity because it has helped me to cope with my tinnitus, and I would like to give something back to them. *A violin plays softly in the background* But please do get in touch, every little helps, after all.

On a completely different, and terrifically unrelated, tangent, I would like to discuss the upcoming General Election. Before you fall asleep like a grandparent after a sup of whisky on Christmas Day, I ask you to continue reading. We all know that voting for the Liberals is a wasted vote. We all know that David Cameron is an upper-class twit, as much as it hurts me to insult a fellow Smiths fan. We all know that Gordon Brown possesses less social skills than Myra Hindley at Parents’ Evening. But still, why would you vote for any other party than Labour?

You have the option of the Liberals, who recently hit their peak under Charles Kennedy, that are now led by Nick Clegg, a poor man’s David Cameron. The only other alternative is David Cameron’s Conservatives. I’m sick of seeing that smarmy, makeup wearing, smug-faced idiot on television. Inherently, the BNP don’t really warrant my consideration. I’ve heard people moan that Labour caused the economic recession. Really, is that true? For a Prime Minister that is supposed to be weak, that’s quite an impressive achievement. Sarcasm aside, Labour, and Gordon Brown, gave us one of the best economic upturns for decades, and did lead us out of the recession. He may have built us a mountain of debt along the way, however I would prefer this to the Conservative economic approach. An approach that involves letting the poor suffer in times of hardship, while arbitrarily hoping that the economy will fix itself with little or no intervention. An inconsiderate, haphazard and wanton approach at best. I’ve also read about complaints from people who moan that they’ve lost their job working for the NHS because of job cuts. I sympathise with them, however if the Labour Party – a party that puts the NHS as its top priority – had to cut jobs, then imagine the extent of job cuts under a Conservative government.

As well as this, there’s the obvious anti-Labour war argument. The Iraq war was passed with bipartisanship in the House of Commons. The Conservatives contributed to the passing of the bill, heck, the then shadow foreign secretary even stated that they “were supporting something which was right”. Talking of wars, I’m sick of hearing about these mothers complaining about their children dying at war. Before I shoot myself in the foot here, and then continue to repeatedly stab it with my broken shin bone, I should clarify that I have the utmost respect for our armed forces. Being in the army is a job that I would never have the guts to do (nor any other job, of any description, for that matter) and I can’t emphasise enough my respect for them. However, don’t moan at the government if your child sadly dies. It isn’t the fault of the government. Your child signed a contract, and, I should hope, they had a general idea or inclination that joining the army would involve the possibility of death. It’s like an office worker complaining that they didn’t know that their job involved staring at a computer screen for hours on end. If the government did not equip the soldier with adequate equipment in the lead up to their death, then sure, they have an argument against a Labour government. But Gordon Brown says that he gave the Generals whatever funding they asked for, and therefore the responsibility is that of the army, and not the government. Obviously this is a matter of trust, but I’d rather trust our Prime Minister than a journalist from The Daily Mail that’s digging around for an anti-Labour headline.

Since Labour’s inception in 1997, there have been remarkable achievements, that merit their re-election, such as:

* The removal of all but 92 hereditary peers in the House of Lords.

* Devolution to the Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Assemblies.

* Depending on your opinion on the subject, the removal of Saddam Hussein in Iraq.

* An increase in the size of the police.

* The Introduction of the National Minimum Wage. (Possibly one of the best policies passed in recent UK history, after the NHS).

* Reduced Crime and the Highest Level of Employment ever (pre-recession).

* Record literacy rates.

Does the country really need a change? No, it doesn’t. A lot of people say that they’ve lost faith in politics and British politicians. But that’s rubbish. I’ve lost faith in the British media and the British people. How could David Cameron lead Gordon Brown in the polls? People are idiots, you can’t trust them. It would be particularly apt to emphasise this point with an insightful Peep Show quote that “people like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis”. It’s true. I’ve lost my faith in the human race.

With that strikingly sour note, it’s time to end my blog. Keep tuned for my next blog, and I promise that I won’t leave it another month before my next update. After all, I have no excuses now that I have three weeks off University for Easter.

Inside the Mind of a Cynic

I’d felt a little left out recently that everyone seems to be posting their own blogs and I thought I’d hop onto the proverbial bandwagon.

But what to write about? I already have writer’s block and it’s only my third sentence.

Firstly, I’d like to talk about Lent. Yes, Lent. There comes a point in someone’s, albeit short-lived, life where they start to see their belly overhang and think “Christ! What on earth am I doing to myself?” Or more specifically in my case, “what on earth is McDonald’s doing to me?” I’d developed some sort of peculiar breathing problem too, as if i was having some sort of involuntary hiccuping spasm for around 30minutes. Coupled with this, I’d put on about 8stone on my face, and 15stone overall. This had to stop. Conveniently, Lent had just started and I decided that it would be an opportunity not to eat McDonalds until the end of Lent – on April 3rd. (McFlurrys excluded)

On a similar note, I was procrastinating from reading my nonsensical assignment for University, when I’d stumbled onto the “water diet” page on Wikipedia. Being the curious fellow that I am, I decided that I would give it a try. Four glasses of water later and I was urinating like a mad man. A mad man that’s diabetic, drunk and just consumed 5000mg of caffeine. To fill you with some sense of realism, the length of the paragraphs written so far have been determined by toiletry habits. As you can see, I’ve come a long way since the first couple of paragraphs.

On a somewhat different tangent, I feel I should discuss being rejected to go to the USA and work this summer. I know, depressing. Apparently I didn’t have enough experience. Okay, maybe I’ve never had a job, maybe I’ve never helped an old person across the road, maybe I’m a bad samaritan for not letting a pregnant woman have my seat on the bus (I’ll let you decide if that’s true or not), maybe I do think volunteering is the most pointless and false activity in the world. But still, why would I need experience to gain experience? I realise by now I’m coming across like an embittered alcoholic with no change for a can of Special Brew but I just can’t understand the logic of these idiots. As crass as it may seem, the primary reason that I actually wrote this blog is so that I could list it as an ‘experience’ in my CV. Needless to say, I will have the last laugh.

I really can’t think of anything else to say at this point, and given that I’m up in 5hours I figure that it’s time to call it a night. This blog could either be a stepping stone towards my journalistic domination of the world, or, most likely, just  this single 500 word  long soliloquy. I aim to make this a regular thing, but if it doesn’t work out at least I can say I gave it a damn good try.

Keep tuned kids for my latest cynical ramblings.